We often spend so much time and energy being kind to others, that we forget that kindness is like a Boomerang, it will always come back to you, many times when you are not ready or willing to receive. When we received this story submission for our new book, we all thought that it needed to go onto the website right away. It’s a heart warming story that will re-affirm your belief in mankind and in the power of kindness.
Well, I suppose my story is not so very different or special from what others may share, but the impact on me – and for me – and to me – at one point taxed satisfactory verbal description.
The enormity of the kindness that I received can now best be described as life-changing. You see, for most of my life, at least as far back as I can remember anyway, I have been The Giver, The Fixer, The Caretaker, believing I had this responsibility for everyone else, that I owed this somehow, and as a result of this misplaced guilt or self-imposed duty, would make the choices and changes for others, often at my own detriment. But, no matter and not to worry, God’s blessings always seem to come to me and I managed to survive and even thrive.
To live in such a way I know now is exhausting and unhealthy, believing as I did that I was not deserving of the same kindnesses – oh my no! Tom doesn’t need any help, I have a way that works for me.
Being diagnosed with liposarcoma, thought for years to be a benign lipoma resting along my cervical spine, nearly ruined my reputation! What?! Tom is SICK? How?! What will people think! No one can know.
All of a sudden, I couldn’t hardly function, let alone take care of myself or anyone else. Did I surrender, ask for help, reach out?
No. I didn’t keep it a secret, and wondered why at the time.
I soldiered on and suffered and refused assistance until one afternoon when an angel sternly yet kindly said to me: “Tom, we don’t know what to do for you, people want to help, we’re terrified for you, please don’t take their joy away by refusing!”
I was thunderstruck, crying even, at the sheer simple beauty of these words. I began to accept the random, deliberate, and caring little ways from others, and my load was lifted. People rushed to do what they could – rides to the hospital for radiation therapy, rides to and from work, coffee and water brought to me, food, whatever. I began to see the synergy and power within such kind acts, and saw the world very differently.
Yes, I was weaker, sick, needy, and to allow others to see this was itself akin to bringing down the walls of Troy. And then another miracle from my boss who finds it very difficult to speak of anything serious, intimate or painful; he said “Tom I need you to be here, and you need to be here, we all need you too much maybe, but I don’t want you coming in if you are sick or unwell because you are worried about the money.”
I had no leave left, and my paychecks were half of what they had been owing to my frequent absences. He published a regional and then a national leave donation request that brought over 240 hours to my “leave bank,” thereby allowing me to continue to work a reduced tour, or to stay out a day or two, but having an 80 hour paycheck every two weeks.
The rules prohibit me knowing who gave what, and that frustrated me for a time, but now I am calm in the knowledge that I deserved this extraordinary help, and that I am battling cancer in order to finally learn some basic Life Lessons.
Yes, it took this dramatic and frightening diagnosis to get me to understand that it is OK to need help, that it is OK to ask for help, and that it is OK to accept help, and maybe even downright rude to refuse it!
Healing I believe, began that afternoon when that angel scolded me into that first step toward accepting my own mortality and frailty.
One Kind Act from just one person makes a difference we can never fully appreciate or know. Oh sure, in the moment we do, but what we then do pays this One Kind Act forward forever!
T.F.
Philadelphia, Pa
Nothing like a Helping Hand
by Mary Avant
When I first read this article, I was glad to see Pascal get some type of recognition for his effortless kindness. Myself and the OKA Team have wanted to write an article about Pascal for quite sometime now. Since time is very limited we most re-print stories of kindness that we come across. I'll admit, we aren't very good writers as you can tell, so when it's time to write something in our own words, it can be quite time consuming.
This fantastic article first appeared on The Global Intelligencer Website in the beginning of October 2007. When we saw that the article was about Pascal, the team cheered, as Pascal is a friend, supporter, and extremely kind person, to say the least. We're lucky to know him and hope you enjoy this article as much as we did.
MURRIETA, CA - Ever wanted to start a project, or business and didn’t know how? Ever had a dream of getting those songs you’ve been writing actually onto a CD and out into the world? Ever longed to help others live better lives, but didn’t know where to start?
Ever wanted to make a difference in the world, but somehow never found the time?
Welcome to the 21st century. Our world is filled with information and we still don’t know where to turn. We have billions of pages of facts available to us on the Internet, and precious little time to do anything with them.
But hey, there’s help and inspiration out there. There are people around like Pascal Gillon.
Founder of the website infogatherer.com, Gillon has dedicated his life to answering people’s heartfelt desires for help. Since early 2006, Gillon and infogatherer.com have assisted hundreds of people to develop their dreams, find information and cut through the confusion surrounding the “how to’ of everything from starting a charity to starting a radio show.
Unlike websites like Kasamba.com with “30,000 skilled professionals ready to give you immediate advice or assistance on any conceivable topic” at a rate of anywhere from .10 to 15.00 per minute, or Yahoo Answers which is a free open source site more given to opinions than facts, infogatherer.com deals in personally researching information and giving encouragement to people in search of a dream. And it’s free.
Infogatherer.com shows people how to realize their dream by sending them one email. But that one email is a personalized reply to their query, directing them to targeted web and media connections to help jump start their dream. Infogatherer.com also gives coaching tips and motivating formulas for success. “We pump people up with information and inspiration,” says Gillon. “This formula is unique, and does help rekindle people's dreams.”
Despite the modest “we,” infogatherer.com is singular, not plural, and Gillon spends his day focused on supplying the needs of others while working part-time and playing Mr. Mom to two daughters. His wife, Claire, works outside the home to help support the family. Very much a jack of all trades, Gillon has studied law and owned businesses in the EU and the USA, mainly in service industries. Born in France, he has a Bachelor of Applied Science Degree in Administrative Management, speaks French, Spanish, German and English and has served in the French Army as a Drill Sergeant Instructor. From 1988 to 2004 he worked overseas in humanitarian as well as environmental promotion.
“In my many travels and business experiences I have seen many people that did lose their sparkle of hope for their dream,” he says. “I felt saddened by that. The true measure of someone is of what you do for your fellow man and woman. So, I decided to do something grand; to do a free service that would rekindle hope.”
As a private consultant, Gillon had discovered that finding the right kind of information and motivation would often make or break a dream. “Truly, the correct information can be the difference between gaining or losing precious time - months even years,” says Gillon. “The internet seemed to be the obvious delivery solution. Many can access it, even via cafés or libraries. Information via email would be very private. Yahoo! was easy to use to create a website and have it hosted for cheap.”
Gillon makes sure people know that his work is all about assisting people wishing for a better shot at their dreams – not about supporting them in making huge piles of money. The fact that Gillon walks his talk impresses people. They see that his life and chosen work is a perfect example of doing what you can to help the world. And they see that helping the world, no matter one’s personal limitations, is possible.
“Charging money is a big question in people's minds – there are many people who would also love to be of service, but who are too busy surviving in the rat-race,” says Gillon." I do not make any money from it because God is my boss and it is a privilege to serve others when I can. For me, that is the mark off someone that understands the cosmic laws of compassion, and that is my pay.
“Sure, we need money. But it is not how much you have, but how you use it that makes the difference. I do amazing cheap shopping, have all my house with fluorescent lights and turn off all unwanted lights and standbys at night. I shop in thrift shops, so I make money back like that.”
So what kind of information does Gillon send to people? On average, that “one email” runs well over 1,000 words, starts with a three part “plan of attack” outline and is crammed with promotional ideas, dozens of web links, coaching on how to start a website – whatever seems appropriate for getting that person’s particular dream off the ground. For example here’s a letter from a young man who dreams of being a country western recording artist: “Hi – I wish to have my music on the Top Charts. I have just made a good enough music CD and play country music around my town and state. I want to succeed in it to honor my mum who died of pancreatic cancer. What can I do? Here is my MySpace url where you can hear my music: http://www....... Thank you S.”
Gillon’s response: “Dear S - Well, as you must know, getting your songs on the charts is very competitive because it is a tough market. You must SHOUT OUT LOUD what you do! We are going to approach this in three ways: 1) Send your CD to cool Independent Record Labels; 2) You are going to contact key people in the recording business and; 3) Send a great intro letter and your CD to your local state TV and radio stations!
“When you send the CD tell the true story of why you did those songs: your mum! Show them your kind and strong passion. So, get a cup of coffee or tea, put on some inspiring tunes, read on and let the magic begin. 1) Send one CD to all the people on the following list …”
Ok. So that’s the practical advice. And the inspiration part? Here’s a sample Gillon-style: “If you do ALL what I said, even an hour a day, it will take you a few weeks but it can be done. You WILL reach your dream! And remember, everything takes time, even instant coffee - nothing comes right now! And the higher the goal, the longer it takes. Be patient and it shall reward you big time…. If no success, do it again. Failure is only if you do not do your best or do not try. Anything else is true success as you cannot do better.
“Go and ace'em!! Be proud and shine! Each time you feel impatient or morose, stop it! Listen to inspiring music, see an inspiring movie (you can rent them in libraries or similar places) for cheap or buy them on sale. Movies like Ray, Fame, Erin Brockovich, Rain Man, Dead Poet's Society, It's A Wonderful Life, Mr. Smith Goes To Washington, Jerry Maguire. Even one of my favorites: Groundhog Day.”
Perhaps it’s not the most profound advice or the most erudite, but advice Gillon-style is warm and real and human. And it works. As one client wrote, “Pascal gave so much well thought out and heart-felt advice. Each day I look forward to taking another step in his great plan for my success. Each step I take gives me great joy, and there is no greater gift that can be given!”
Perhaps, in this hustle-bustle world filled with impersonal information, it is the personal attention, the personal contact, the personal encouragement that means the most. The information, given for free out of the simple desire to bring richness to another’s life, is only the excuse for the real gift.
© 2006 Global Intelligence Press, All Rights Reserved
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